Thursday, September 28, 2006
Here's something you dont see very often. What does it look like? All you guys will probably be really familiar with this, since you see it nearly everyday, but for the girls, well, it's an underwear label. If you haven't heard of Byford, you're probably from Mars.
This photo was taken in class, and well, it's jason's. Here's how this sexy thang came out of his underwear. Yan wei is our favourite classmate, as many of you all know. You can see him in some of the previous posts(he's that guy with the weird hair and the quote 'is that a god or a demon?'). He loves giving out free wedgies.
Apparently jason has been pissing him off, so he gave him a piece of his mind. at the same time, he took a piece of his underwear. Byford, London, 33-31 inches, medium. just the label, mind you. if he took out a piece of the cloth, jason would be walking home without his underwear. that sort of gait can be seen from a distance away. usually it's similar to people walking with piles and are trying real hard to just hold their shit.
now that was just the intro. what i'm about to present today is our very own DickDiaries Wedgie Guide: Wedgieing is an art.
OUCH.
Why does a wedgie hurt?
Basically try and imagine what happens everytime you wedgie someone. the cloth(or satin or spandex or whatever) is compressed into a tight strip and stuffed up your ass. in other words, it's flossing your butt. this is often a non-violent way of resolving disputes, as i have remonstrated by the jason/yanwei example.
When should you wedgie and when should you not? Everytime when you want to wedgie someone, you must keep in mind SLUT. This is an acronym for the basic wedgie conditions:
-Standing
-Low pants
-Untucked shirt
-Turned around
These are not principles, but rather compulsory conditions required if one wants to carry out a successful wedgie.
Standing
Standing is important because of the way a wedgie is carried out: against the direction of gravity. this is what makes wedgies actually hurt at all; the person's own body weight is being pressed onto the bottom of his own underwear. Since all forces have an equal and oposite reaction, the person's ass feels the weight too.
Also, if one is sitting down, a wedige cannot be carried out because of the person's butt already pressing down on the underwear, restricting other movement. thus keep in mind that the only succesful wedgie can be one where the target is standing up.
To make someone stand up, drop something onto their chair(make it seem accidental). then say: 'sorry can you stand up, i dropped something on your chair.' then OUCH.
Low Pants
Low pants are often seen in guys(refer to previous entry on uniform styles). this makes them much easier wedgie targets, because of the visibility of their underwear(if any, of course) and the ease with which they can be grabbed and pulled. thus always look out for low pants on your victim. it will make your job much much easier.
Untucked Shirt
Untucked shirt. of course, the bane of all prefects, teachers, but a favourite of wedgiers. this, in addition to low pants, makes your victim an easy target. when his shirt is untucked at the back, it means he's asking for a wedgie. so give him one! just grap, pull, and grab the second layer below, and pull again. then hear the OUCH.
Turned around
Turned around is basically to aid in using a stealthy approach. as research has shown, a wedgie is less likely to be stopped if the victim has zero awareness of what you are about to do. from the yanwei/jason war, yanwei's secret to victory lies in his stealthy approach. however yanwei is always anticipating jason's counterattacks, so he manages to fend them off with ease. yanwei has a 84.54% success rate, while jason has such a low succes rate it is negligible. (sorry jason.)
Perfect.
Why is this perfect? it fulfils all the requirements of the SLUT components: he is standing, his pants are low, and his shirt is tucked out and he is turned away from you.
Now this is a difficult target.
His pants are rather high and tight, which means you'll probably have a hard time reaching into his pants to grab the object of your desire.(the underwear i mean.)
His shirt is tucked in, representing one extra obstacle. it's quite hard to pull out considering his pants is quite tight, as mentioned.
Although he is standing up, he is a difficult target because of the wedgier's inability to make contact with the underwear at all. this is one of the best ways to defend yourself from wedgiers: high pants, tucked in, tight pants. avoid standing. that's why nerds never get wedgied.
Hopefully this guide will help you in your future wedgies to come, or protect you from potential wedgiers.